you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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