i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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