So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
