can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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