I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
