i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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