i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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