just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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