i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
