When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
