Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
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On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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