My friends, they love my intelligence
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
