Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
