I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
