How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
