I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize