What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
