I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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