What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
