coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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