Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
