I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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