Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We left an ass print on the piano.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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