Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
