my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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