Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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