i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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