he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There r osticjed everywhere
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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