I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
