I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
