Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
