This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
