Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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