I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
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we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
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is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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