My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
