I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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