he told me I talked like a deaf person
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
