So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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