You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
