i permit you to call me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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