ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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