i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
