i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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