Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
