New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You've changed since you got that strap on
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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