oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
NoShamevember. You game?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
