Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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