My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
