i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
