I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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