I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize