Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
