Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
