Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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