The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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