The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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