I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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