Midget sex pt 2 tonight
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I will be naked everywhere
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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