I think I died a long time ago.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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