the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
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Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
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Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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