Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize