yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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