i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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