I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
zippers are such a cool invention
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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